ive been sleeping alot these days, just so that i wont be thinking too much.
sleeping makes me forget everything.
Brother, wants me back as normal. to be the normal self i am, laughing and happy.
cause he knows im not thinking straight, im crying too much.
i laugh when people make me laugh. i smile when people smiled at me.
i talk and all. but once someone brings up the issue, im too weak to handle it and started crying all over.
i love Brother, cause he's just like late Papa.
and i thank Brother for being here with me and not scolding me or anything.
i feel guilty that i made him cry.
from my running away from home, to my bad o levels result that landed me in ITE, to my bad behaviour, to being admitted to hospital and finally this issue.
he cried. cried like im his daughter, cried like he was late Papa.
18years of my life, he took care of me. like nobody would.
not even my Mum was his match.
ive done wrong. and i cant believe i hurt my Brother again.
one day Bro, one day, i'll make you proud :)

ive learnt alot about this particular person.
no, not my brother , another human in my life.
disappointed i am, this human showed me his/her true self.
in malay,
Waktu senang kau di samping ku, tetapi di waktu susah kau tinggalkan aku.
which meant,
in good times, you're by my side, but in bad times, you left me alone.
what kind of a person is that.
FAKE! i must say.
i actually made myself believe that this human aint bad, and this human is a great person and that this human still close to me. but yet, im in denial.
you're FAKE. you've proven it.
and if you're reading this, you should jolly well know who you are.
FUCK YOU! i despised people like you. always will.

on another note, ive been eating too much ice cream this days.
but at the other hand,drinking lots of low-fat milk.
i dont know what's up with me , i feel so pressured and stressed that, those two are the only thing that make me feel better.
and you know, Abah actually bought 6bottles/cartons of HL Milk, cause everytime he buy one or two, i'll finish it as fast at 2days. hahas.
he's tired of buying and buying and bought 6 at one short. hehes.
i made Mum buy me ice cream, almost everyday that she gave up and bought a tub of 1.5 litre ice cream.
oh no.! hahas.
yes, im gonna get fat. deal with it.
ive yet to know when is my next checkup, i need to go and check before they allow me to go to school.
so if all is well, i might be going to school NEXT WEEK! happy tak?! hahas.
ok BYE!