i cry thinking what have i done to myself.
i cry thinking how could i let you do this to me.
i cry thinking, what a life.
but when i slap myself and think again. i shouldnt cry.
im not gonna fall, just because you want me to fall.
im gonna fight and be strong.
im tired of having faith in you and us.
im now having faith in myself.
what goes around comes around.
and i dare swear, you'll never find a girl who will take care of like how did the past 2years. for real boy. for real. that's a curse that will live to your conscience.
im evil now. i know.
biar orang buat kite, jangan kite buat orang.
but gosh, this is EXTREEEMMME ok.
a few smses dont help.
GOD knows, whether you meant what you said.
if you really cared Boy, you could have called. or perhaps drop by my place.
you're never sincere Boy, never. im always telling you what to do. you never care.
and what's with , "ape you nak i buat, i akan buat"
that's bullshit Boy, bullshit.
you should jolly well know, what you should do.
FUCK the past and think for now and future you say?
you should have thought of it back then.
without what happened in the past, the now and future wont be this way.
you're a JOKE. a big JOKE.
dont you know that im updating you not because i want your care, not because i needed you, not because im weak, not because i want comfort.
im updating you about whatever's happening, because in each update is to remind you of what you HAD done to me. the pain and sufferings you put me through.
im eating on your conscience Boy. im not nice to you.
i can be the nicest girl, but HELL Boy, i can be your worst bitch.
you ruined my life, dont think of running this time.
you're going Down the same way i did.

im sorry, for writing all these shits.
im angry, and frustrated right now.
i had to let it out, and not keep it in.
oh wells.
today was supposed to go to the doctors for a checkup on my leg.
but today is Sunday, Polyclinic was closed. so Private clinic will cost a bomb.
so typical parents, they brought me to Geylang.
i swear i want to poke all the eyes from those pakcik and makcik staring at me.
and all those pakcik gatal looking at my Mum.
pfft.
so headed to Pasar Geylang, and there's a MR & MRS massage shop la.
then met my Mum's friend who is the worker and owner i think.
and she was shocked to see my leg. and i cried when she said, i came too late.
she asked whether ive been feeling this and that for the past few days, and she was spot on. and she said, all this are symptoms. that lead to the swell.
which i didnt know, cause i thought it was minor problems. cause im used to having cramps on my leg.
she started of, GOSOK my leg only. but she was big sized and my leg was so hard, she do her softest approach, yet i cried from the pain. i swear, i felt like kicking her at the face. and what make me laugh was when she said, "auntie baru gosok tau, belum urut betol2, auntie tau sakit, auntie tak letak pressure, tangan auntie je besar"
i didnt scream or anything, but she knows where i felt pain, and she laughed, cause most of the time i laughed due to the pain and not cry.
she started off from my ankle. till up to my thighs.
and then she URUT, i felt my leg breaking already!
then when she said, "tak boleh, da terok. nak kene masuk dalam bilik"
cause i was sitting at the normal chair that people will sit for reflexology kan.
now she asked me to go to the room, and lie down.
she practically removed my pants and underwear, which was so EMBARASSING!
but i was in so much pain, i couldnt have cared less.
and the URUT started.
she pointed out the painful area, so spot on. and told me, my nerves have gone haywire, in malay, SALAH URAT.
which lead to my blood flow problem, hence the SWELLING.
i swear i wanna cry. which eventually i did.
i bitedon the towel she gave me, slammed it and thre it on the floor and what not.
pain tau!
and then she said, it's been an hour and she have to stop.
cause massage cannot exceed an hour. will spoil the body system whatever la.
in my heart was, that was an hour. i felt it so short.
maybe because i was concentrating on the pain.
burnt $30 for it, and she said, she is sorry. cause she cant heal it yet, but she had loosen up the tight nerves and asked me to drop by again tomorrow, or the day after.
the torture was worth it im certain. i felt my leg slightly lighter.

then my parents brought me to eat. cause i have yet to eat, and i was so weak.
so i had SOTO AYAM like finally.
then Mum just had to walk around and look for clothes.
in my condition, i haveto walk around Pasar Geylang and Tanjong Katong Complex.
i swear, i kept sitting down. cause i cannot take the pain.
my Mum can be quite a bitch at times.
hmph!
then we bussed home, slept throughout the journey cause i was drained.
arrived home around 2pm and called Sister and Eqa.
then it was sleep throughout and i just woke up few minutes ago around 7pm.
i was drained out for real siaa!

im awake now, and my Abah is at work. while my Mum, GOD knows where she goes.
my 2nd brother and lil brother minding their own business.
i so want ICE KACHANG now, but sadly i cant walk down to central.
hais.
gonna eat now, freaking hungry.
oh wells.
BYE