my Sunday with ♥ wasnt a good one.
it was a complete disappointment.
to think i actually look forward to it.
to think i was so excited for it.
from the 2hours waiting for him, to the unnecessary people tagging, to him so busy at Town, and to end it off, he dont even sit with me in the train when we're heading home. and so i received no hugs nor kisses for the night.
and tell me, how broken i was.
to think, i actually could still control this anger of mine.
im shagged. really am.
i see us going nowhere.
maybe shall let this week pass, and then reflect.
maybe this relationship needs a thinking.

my Monday morning was already spoiled.
no texts from ♥ not even a sorry.
shattered.
i joke around with Mummy.
puts a smile. but few hours later, she just have to hurt my feelings.
its difficult when im telling the truth she'll think im lying, and when i lie, she believe it. whats up with her and her mind.
nevertheless, i was all smiles when im off to meet IQ1004G.
i was pretty late, so i didnt get to meet some people.
still, my Kaki Gereks were there.
and they made me smile.
thanks guys for bullying me.
define bully eh?
how about, removing everything i had in my purse.
playing around with my makeup.
removing my hairclips and make my hair in a mess.
throwing my keys around.
just to make me say YES in following them to Kovan to play pool.
but still, i ditched the idea. cause it was already 10pm and i dont want to go home late.
sorry guys. still, i LOVE you all ok. see you all again.
so i stayed at the pit with Julee, Nabirah and Julee funny friends.
and i made my move. thanks to Julee, Nabirah, Fad and Amir for accompanying me till Downtown.
bussed home, showered.
and then i had to cry, cause Brother told me he's not joining for the dinner on my birthday.
how sad, both Brother and Sister, not celebrating my bday with me. and i thought this year's birthday would be different. i thought i would be happy.
:(

things between me and ♥ is currently hanging.
and i thought he'll be smart enough to make me smile last night. instead, he made me cry.
two nights now, i sleep without Tigger, cause it hurts even more.
i literally throw the Tigger to the floor and leave it there.
call me childish, but i have my reasons.
having fever didnt help at all last night. cause i had trouble sleeping.
i kept waking up every few hours and im feeling so drowsy.
even when i told ♥ that im unwell, i see no reaction. it seems he couldnt care less.
and it really goes to show, this relationship we have now is nothing but a show.
whatever it is, shall hold on as long as i can.
my birthday week sucks.
and im not looking forward for the 17th.
cause it's not about me. it's about gathering with his friends.
my family dont seem to care about my birthday, and now my ♥ too dont care.
so tell me, why should i be happy.

im pretty much broken, but im not showing it.
im smiling and all.
i laugh, i smile, i joke , i tease.
but i'll never show how much i cried.
cause now i realised, no one's there.
hidup sorang mati pun sorang.
what more should i ask.
i just need to thank ALLAH for making me live till this age, and have made me be a better person and made me be a stronger person.
cause at the end of the day, it's about me.
me answering questions, and me dying alone. it doesnt concern anyone else in this world.

im off for my shower now.
have a nice day people :)