firstly HAPPY LEGAL BDAY TO MYSELF!
i thank everyone for wishing me.
though some were unexpected.
but hey much loves.

i never felt so broken on my own birthday before.
but this year i did.
and it's one of the major birthday,
let's just hope i'll live to the age of 21 and have a better birthday.
i spent my 17th and 18th with my girls.
anf i thank ALLAH for their presence.
though i dont say much or smile much, but you girls ought to know, that you girls have made me so so happy.
i arrived home prolly around 11pm, and i swear i felt like switching off my hp, cause i know i'll endup crying instead of smiling to the wishes.
i ended up silencing it, and at 12.10am, i checked my hp. and WOWISH!
the boy, wished me too. but in an unusual way, which made me cry and ignore the rest of the wishes.
stupid as it seem, im crying on my own birthday.
i thought with the boy wishing me, i'll be smiling like hell.
but i ended up crying.
thank you Nisah for being there.
it sucks to feel this way.
i want so much to be happy, but i cant.
nevertheless, all the flooded wishes at facebook, made me smile (:
thank you once again.

my mind was switched off, cause i couldnt stop crying.
so i headed to my room at prolly 1am, silent my hp.
and went to sleep, though my sleep was interrupted by the smses,i replied some and put my hp away.
a beautiful night sleep.
i woke up just few minutes ago, replied the smses.
and here i am blogging.
honestly, im not looking forward to today's celebration.
but i know, ive got to calm down.
for the sake of my family.
im so so afraid to be breaking down infront of them.
and nothing else could make me strong now.
the once very strong me, turn broken now.
i cry over the slightest thing, but sometimes its not because of the current situation, i just had to flashback. and my heart aches.

i cried last night, when Abah came back home and immediately wished me and sang me a birthday song.
but im not crying because i was touched or happy.
i just had to think about the boy.
infact, all the wishes made me think of the boy.
it's just him in my mind.
i know, he wants me to cheer up and enjoy my day, and time will tell.
but i dont need words.
i need the strength from him that he has always been giving.
i bet im gonna cry later on.
fuck!
im already crying now.
i feel so shit right now.

every birthday girl, will have a wish.
and this year, i only have one wish.
may ALLAH hear me.
once again, thank you great people.
checkout my fb or blog tonight, for the update of my celebration.
let's pray hard i wont cry,and maybe Izharul Haqq could make me smile.

ok done here.

i miss FAVIANHARITHGOH!