yes, ive not been updating.
yes, i am on facebook, but not caring a shit about my blog. come to think of it, no one reads. why bother right?
hahs.
life's has been topsy turvy.
ive been skipping dance, apologis Pina & GRX.
cause i just dont feel like going.
call me problematic, cause i am one.
family has been shit.
school has been average.
♥ worst!
my parents are a nuisance. and there's never a day that i dont argue with my Mummy, and it's irritating. i cant stand it you know. pushing all blame on me. whether or not im in the wrong. i find it ridiculous, extremely.
school has been average, cause till now, ive yet to have ONE close friend.
there's Atiqah, but we're not always together.
she is with her other friends.
and im not the type who selit daun , step tak tau malu nak gi gerek dengan orang.
i can be friendly, but im no SHIOK SENDIRI or tak tau malu. so i would rather be alone, dont you think so.
the people in my class, are a great bunch of people. happening, loud, so happy together.
but i just feel out of place.
i just dont feel i fit in. stupid as it sounds, childish too. but that's what im facing.
so alone is what im doing now. minding my own business and talk to anyone who talks to me. except for the irritating mat reps who kept disturbing me and asking for my number. ridiculous.

♥, sometimes i can be very speechless.
im sick of saying things that happen, of point out the wrongs in this relationship or in some events.
but when i just keep quiet, to chill down, and calm myself, ♥ would often force me to tell what's wrong. and persistent asking is so irritating, that i blew up and vent the hell shits. and then an argument started, and i really dont feel like continuing the conversation, leave it hanging, or like currently, i ignore all his smses.
you know when everything goes wrong, i thought this would be the only thing that can turn right. i dont say im an angel in this relationship. i admit, ive done wrong. and due to ego, i dont say it out and blaming him.
but there's always a reason why i do all those mistakes, and it always started out with him.
but he dont see it, and kept saying i wanna blame him.
tell me, why would i bother to accuse him and a girl, if i dont have reasons for it.
why would i bother get angry when plans go haywire, if its not because of him not listening to me and doing things his own way.
why would i get angry about his silence, when i know anything can happen to him especially with his stupid CNB case.
why would i bother get angry or just keeping quiet with no mood to talk, when i came so happy to see him, and i get shits.

tell me, am i a person who do things with no reasons.
my emotions are all because of him. and he never understands.
time and time again, all i get is SORRY. and the next thing i know, things like this happen again.
im really tired.
tired of caring, or being concern about others.
maybe it's time i care about myself.
so i let him do what he wants. i cant be bothered. no more screaming and no more crying, cause it's useless.

tell me if im wrong, to do things for you because i care.
and i DARE you to find another girl who can stand with your attitude, your status and your surrounding. cause i can BET with you, there isnt, cause it's proven that even the closest women in your life cant stand you. the least i ask for is a small percentage of respect and self reflecting of what you have now. im not a toy,that you can have as and when. im a human, with feelings and want to be appreciated.
please start learning, unless if there IS a GIRL out there willing to stand your shits, i bow down and salute you and rest my case. till then, think about this relationship. and how far you want this to go.

ok, i think this is enough huh?
will update when i feel like it. hahs.
bye.