i dont know what's going on now.
are we fine or are we not?
are we On are we not?
are we still what we are or are we not?
i know ive been blabbering so much, but why arent you explaining things, why are you ignoring me.
yes you always love to say the wrong things, but at least it beats not saying anything.
dont you know i want you to say something.
not repeated "i love you(s)" which i dont know what's the meaning now?
i love you too dear, i really do. but what that mean?
what does, "always know i still love you" mean?
is it over, or is it not?
dont put me in confusion, cause it's driving me nuts.
i want things the way it is. right from the start.
what's going on?
i want you to say something, something about us.
ive had enough of qeustioning you.
i want your words now.
maybe you need time, but say it. dont simply ignore everything.
you know it breaks my heart when i met you and you dont even look at me, and when i glanced at you, i saw our ring wasnt on your finger.
and when you asked me where i'll be going, i thought you cared, but when you said, you merely asking, my heart shattered into pieces.
i was delighted when you replied me, when i told you i wasnt feeling well, but it shattered when you ask me to take care by myself"
and no more of, "no worries, im here for you k"
what do you mean when you ask me to take care by myself?
and comes mignight, i held on to my phone, wishing you would text but you didnt.
i ended up not sleeping.
cause i just couldnt. nightmares i cant take it.
and everywhere corner i look, reminds me of you.
all the thing you bought for me, the night you sleptover my place.
the tigger you bought for me to keep me company, cause you know i love tigger.
then afternoons/evenings when you drop by my place cause you want to eat as you're hungry.
the very first time you came to my place and my Abah screamed at you.
you know, this house itself brought alot of memories.
so tell me, im not going anywhere right?
i love you, i really do ♥.

putting aside the unhappiness, i met up with Nisahbby and EqaGf plus Sairi yesterday.
before that i was roaming around Whitesands like nobody's business.
i had to pay some bills, and ive got no where to go.
i bought snacks, topup my ezlink and walked around.
finally i settled down in the Library for some relax reading.
then i trained to Tamp, met up with my girls.
off we went to DX5, awesome crews.
thanks for making me smile, at least i tried.
yes im faking it. so much of, "relax ah, enjoy lu"
but truth, my heart was aching.
but i want to be happy with my girls, no point crying right.
i love you girls.
then everyone went separate ways. i went to meet San, Sam, Azin , Faz & Iwan at Coffeeshop near Sunplaza.
then ♥ came, that was when i saw no ring, and no care.
actual plan was to follow them, but i cant control emotions, and i definitely felt like breaking down, said my goodbyes, and i walked around that area aimlessly, no where to go. i actually cried while walking, and dont give a shit to people looking at me.

then i sat down at Tamp North CC's bus stop, purposely missing my buses.
and waited for my next.
board it, with my ugly crying face.
arrived home, sat at the staircase for a few mins to wipe off my tears and smile, and then i head home.
my nephews were happy to see me. and im happy as well.
both hugged me, and i felt love.
i wanted so much to cry, but i just held on to my tears.
i changed, and spent quality time with my nephews.

then something happen to me, i felt sick. and that was when i pluck up the courage to text ♥.
then late night came, the boys went home.
and there i was alone.
and the emo shit all came.
lazy to elaborate.
i just wanna thank my Tigger, for keeping me company.

AFD exam on Tuesday, ive not been revising. ive lost the mood.
i think im gonna flunk this CA.
shit to me.
school tomorrow, and i dont feel like attending.
Sister and the boys coming later on, at least that shall make me smile.
oh wells. deal with it.

nevertheless, i love Favian. always do. ♥