hey, ive not been updating about my past two days ehk.
well, seriously. im in no mood to blog.
weird much.
ive been spending quality time with family♥ and baby♥.
and when i say family, it meant nephews of course.

dance is ON. GRX entering YOUTHOUT.
no matter how lazy i am, and how moodless i am for dancing, i still am staying. i still will try my best.
i pity my EqaGF cause she cracks her brain for this one, and i feel i shouldt leave her in the lurch.
i cant help much, so at least by having my existence in the crew and dancing with them, shall make it up for it.
sadly, this week. everyone is so busy, practice is on HOLD.
Monday then comes. but sadly, Saturday,3rd April is the AUDITION.
i wonder wonder whether we can make it , as in completing the steps and all.
and the thinking that dance is gonna be EVERYDAY.
i bet my Mum's gonna kill me.
but i hope hope, i could talk it out with her.
not gonna be easy, but worth a try.
i dont know if i can still dance. but hey, at least i'll try.

i couldnt sleep last night. cause was freaking pissed with baby♥.
so then, i end up surfing the net, and texting with Pah. thinking about costume.
i might be meeting baby♥ tomorrow of Friday, to go out and survey for costume.
so people, no worries.
i will try to sort things out.

and oh, ive been sleeping late these days but waking up at 10am.
it's so tiring, and killing me.
since Mum started to work.
everything in and about the house is my control.
i have to clean the house, wash the clothes, hang the wet clothes, wake lil bro up for school, prepare him breakfast, pack his school bag, make him shower, help he get ready. and also send him to school.
pening or what!
i had an argument with my Mum on Sunday morning.
literally she abused me.
how do you like being shouted at in the morning, then had to do chores, then she kicks the vacuum to your leg, and damn vacuum are heavy so it hurts. and then when you're in the store, she pushed the door, and the door hits your head.
all this in the morning, all this because i was busy looking after my nephew, all this because she came back from work, and i have yet to clean the house, and mind you it was only 9am. and at that point i just finished giving my nephew a bath and prepare him breakfast.
and weird, i always clean the house 10am onwards.
so can you see, my Mum is just picking a fight with me.
iritates.
so tell me, why cant i be angry with her, why cant i dislike her.
and i told Sister about this, as usual. she would only say BUAT BODOH JE.
and guess what, that Sunday was suppose to celebrate Mum's & Abah's birthday.
see how heartbroken i am.
she talks nicely to everyone, but in a harsh tone to me.
so tell me, why dont i feel like im a maid.
Sister dont like argument, so she kept asking me to keep quiet and accept it.
cause if one day, Mum really abused me, i'll end up in hospital.
maybe that will make her realise her mistakes.

and oh, this has been happening, eversince i was Primary 4.
i still remember primary school and secondary school days, where she love love to knock my head, or slap my back.
and once, i was lying face down with Sister, she went crazy and step on top of me. and she thinks she's so small. hello, im the smallest here. and i end up having difficulties to breathe and broke into tears yet, all she said was i was faking it. thanks to Sister, she helped me get a cup of water and inhaler.
my body was also red due to the step.
see how ehavy she was and how weak i am.
a mean bully, that's what she is.

even when im sick, she would only bring me to the doctors cause she had no choice, since Abah will force her to bring me.
and she loves when i get MC, so she'll leave lil brother with me at home, and she go out hooray hooray with her friends.
see, she gets the advantage.
she criticise me cause i dance.
but she's telling her friends that im a dancer.
she doesnt allow me to go for pracs often, but said, "suke dance sangat masuk SAF ah"
and make it sound so easy.
she often says im useless.

so tell me again, why should i like her?!?!
18years of life, not a happy memory of her.
the first 5years of my life was spent happily with my late Papa, and once he left this earth, my life has been HELL. seriously.
especially this teenage years of mine.
6 years of being teenager, been treated like MAID.
fuck all these shits. seriously.
if only im as clever as my siblings, and as GOOD as them, i bet she wont do this to me.
BIAS much.
still, im glad my brother and sister still loves me.
though we dont talk much nor share anything much personal.
we always talk about random things or family.

sorry i blasted all these shits here.
im feeling very down now.
so dont bother to read if you dont want to.

i miss baby♥, though am very very angry with him. haish.