i just hung up with the boy. like finally he answered my calls.
but he didnt want to talk much. he wants to sleep.
cause the nurse gave him an injection, but he dont know what's the injection for. stupid boy.
i know im suppose to care for him. but im pissed. so i ended up lecturing him.
was so angry that he didnt call me. only to find out that he did call last night/early morning. but he forgotten my number, and called my house only to find out no one answered.
and he called using the hospital's phone.
it must be i was sleeping. and my parents dont answer calls which number they do not know. has always been that way. and when it comes to night, we usually mute the ringer. the reason why we have handphones, so any emergency whatsoever, call handphone la! haiyaa.
stupid boy.
yes, the boy was admitted due to some reasons i shall not elaborate.
stupid boy, cannot get through me. dontknow to ask people for my number, or ask any of his friends to call me. and his friends also one gundu head. i asked them about the boy, no one tell me anything. and finally this afternoon Boncet told me. and wtf la. im the last one to know. pissed off much!
i want so much to go visit him. but he's busy with his friends. and what's worst i cant go out with this condition of mine.
thankfully he's fine and will be discharged tomorrow afternoon.
i dont know when will we ever meet.
so boy, please get well and come over meet me.
yes im very angry with you. but i still care.

this ramadhan brings lots of obstacles for me.
one after another.
i swear, all this are really testing my patience.
but i understand. and im slowly going through all the obstacles.
today my parents are out. Mummy went for the YOG thingy at bedok, cause she was invited. blah blah blah. Abah went to work.
Brother also work.
so was alone at home with Mirul and 2nd Brother.
Mummy didnt cook.
so decided to have maggi.
few minutes before azan, mcdelivery came, was super shock.
didnt order anything. checked the receipt and saw Sister's name and it was already paid.
cheeky her.
bought nuggets and mcflurry for me. how cute.
so broke my fast.

watching tv now. YOG opening ceremony.
i think i need my shower now. feel so hot. the weather's been humid.
the boy's sleeping. i feel much relieved to hear from him.
well, let's hope everything's alright.
dear boy, please dont make me angry already.
tu la, taknak dengar kate, kan dolat.
hmm, i think i should stop cursing him. mulut fizy masin sangat la.
ok la bye!

another boring day.
well, i couldnt sleep last night.
felt so restless. nonsensical dreams. i dont understand them.
paranoid, pressured, depressed, broke down.
i vent my anger by sitting under the showers crying my hearts out.
15mins, then out from the toilet faking smiles.
everynight i have to go through this torture.
self-torture.
i dont really understand what's wrong with me.
all i know is every night i feel like crying.
and here i am crying again while typing this.
i managed to sleep around 1am last night, only to be awake at 2.30am. and slowly tried closing my eyes again and had to wake up at 4.15am.
helped Mummy in the kitchen, and Sahur.
and suddenly i felt better. much better.
short call from Favian, puts a smile on my face.
Subuh prayer, then lied down.
slowly i manage to sleep.
thankfully, i slept throughout till afternoon.
i woke up around 1pm to a burning smell, only to find out that Mummy left the house wihtout switching off the fire in the kitchen.
thank goodness, i smelt the burn or i think my kitchen would have exploded.
she was boiling the instant ketupat.
clumsy.
so had to wakeup call Favian, but he didnt wakeup.
so i lie down on the bed, and decided to shower at around 1.30pm and then wakeup call Favian again.
and finally he was awake at 2.30pm.
didnt sms much since he was getting ready for reporting.
which then he met his friends.
i dont see the reason for me to text him now cause i know he wont reply.
has always been this way.
he wont reply whenever he's with friends.
typical of him.

Sister and nephews might be coming over tomorrow.
another pressurising day to entertain the boys.
oh well.
what to do.
im off to my regular shower plus crying my hearts out.
and then im gonna rest.
i feel sick. oh, i am sick.

i miss my BABIGIRLS, sorry i cant spend ramadhan and raya with you people. but i still love you all ok.
and yes, to my girls from College east.
the DAYAH(s), Amalina, Atiqah, Azreena & Shikin. i do miss you all again.
will try to meet every single one of you once im well enough.

but mostly, i miss you chinese boy.

ok take care people.
dont get depress like i am.
bye!

itulah TIGGER. my new bestfriend.
always have been.
accompanying me throughout my lonely and boring days at home. lols.
kay random!
im bored ok.
2nd day of puase.
so far so good. no one make me angry yet.
my Mum blew her top when i told her i forgot how to pray.
sheesh. maaf!
taubat la fizy eh.
so i started reading "mari belaja sembahyang" book again.
slowly, da ingat balik da.
read a bit only, zoom all come back.
alhmadulillah.
bulan ramadhan ni, got the urge to pray la kan.
but cannot do terawih, tak leh angs oi.
do normal 5prayers only i want to pengsan.
im not in a good state of health la ok.
hope, i can keep this up la. continue to pray.
"walaupun hidup seribu tahun, kalau tak sembahyang apa gunanya"
learn my lessons la ok.
insyallah, i will continue to pray. amin.
alcohol2 ni semue da tak boleh pegang lagi. taubat aaah!
Mummy i kate, kene take it slow.
takmu nak yeye change at one go, cause endup will turn bad again.
so first step, mula sembahyang balik.
tapi Mummy i ni kan, contradicting betol.
da encourage, tapi endup kate, if im all well and enjoying life again, i will start my bad habits again, sembahyang pun lupe. tak baik Mummy i ckap gitu.
haha.
insyallah, will try my very best. jiayo fizy!

i know im very random right now. im just super bored. with nothing to do. got TV also, nothing interesting to watch. im on the comp but nothing to do. takde ke orang nak layan aku.
cobaan bulan ramadhan btol ar.
k takpe, da nak kul 2pm, sembahyang pun cantik. then online. k bye!

hello people.
PUASE TAK?? fizy puase tau. hahas.
ok diam.
yesterday kecho nak mampos.
torch run infront of my blk.
takleh turun, tengok dari tingkap. ade gambar tapi malas nak upload.
bising nak mampos. tapi macam fun gitu.
so yesterday duduk rumah satu hari.
mood hilang sekejap, sebab Favian moodswing.
so our nice conversation turns out sour with a loud shout at my ear.
and bye bye.
whatever la.
Degiil dropby to take the things from me.
then i watched tv all day.
mendak nak mampos sumpah!
didnt sleep well at night, as usual. feddup aje.
Favian was out . so he didnt text me.
tried sleeping around 1am, but kept waking up and eventually woke up around 4.20am to help Mum in the kitchen.
then Sahur, injection, medicine.
yes, im fasting. and im starting praying again.
alhamdulillah.
then after Subuh prayers, golek golek on the bed and went to sleep.
all the way till 12pm.
bagus pee!
i dont know how i managed to sleep.
yessa!
hahas.
then wake up, chores.
then chat with Sonya on FB. bual bende random.
then Fir called, best nye dapat bual dengan brother yang da lame MIA ni.
then now mendak.
been surviving not eating and drinking. alhamdulillah.
but someone made me angry today. so my emotions mixed up.
too angry, till i accidentally say vulgarities.
test of my patience.
Mummy say, must banyak mengucap.
takpe first day, ade flaws. biase la manusia kan.
ok la. bye!

first thing's first. HAPPY 45TH BIRTHDAY SPORE!
yes, my national day was spent at home! retarded much.
been spending two years of national day with Favian, but this year, things change.
but that's ok.
i didnt sleep well last night, as expected. Favian went SOHO , and i bet lots of people did.
so he managed to text me once in awhile.
wasnt feeling good.
imagine being given injection for fever?! how irritating.
6am , Mummy gave me injection. another early one cause she's heading off to Melaka for the day. for i dont know what purpose.
i woke up around 10am, cause Abah woke me up.
he went to the market, and i vacuumed the house.
had my showers, and just nice Abah came back.
helped him cook. and had my breakfast and medication.
then it was TV all the way.
Favian woke up around 3plus, and gave me a call.
was shocked, cause expected him to wake up later.
had a short 30minutes conversation. a normal one. no arguments, thankfully.
Abah went to work, so i was bored.
then we texted. and he suddenly went silent for 2hours.
called, and he rejeted all my calls.
only to find out that he actually fallen back to sleep.
so expected of him.
he called at 7pm, saying that he's gonna hit the showers and drop by my place.
so he then came, passed him his things and he borrowed some wax. cheapo pe budak! dont have wax, come my house find wax. lols.
a short 15minutes with him was delightful.
to hear his voice, see his face and of course hugs and kisses is such a wonderful feeling.
then he had to go since he's meeting his friends at Marina.
so bye bye to him.
and then we texted.
and oh, i did watch the parade at home, and this year's parade was quite good. different from other years. well done spore! lols.
then no more texts from Favian cause he'll be busy. and i understand.
paham2 la kan.
dengan brothers pe.
it always put a smile on my face to have a random 'iloveyou'(s) from him.
let's hope nothing happen to him since he's out there.
he promised he'll text me when he can and when he's going home.
so i trust him.
Abah came back early today.
so catched ONE MOMENT OF GLORY with him.
talked, laughed and had dinner.
and now, im already feeling tired.
but i cant get to sleep.
anyways, i have to wait for Mummy. she's still not home yet. need her to give me my injection.
tomorrow is YOG torch run infront of my blk.
confirm will be very noisy. no good!

i guess im done here.
today has been a good day. thank ALLAH.
ok la. BYE!